Bank Holidays!

Greetings, friends!

Holidays in the UK are almost identical to the holidays in the US, with some minor but maybe significant differences. The key difference that I notice is that federal holidays in the USA are generally days of respect and remembrance for a historical event. It's a way of paying tribute and keeping alive a person (or group of people), and the values they represent. Offhandedly, I can think of Martin Luther King, Junior day in January, Memorial Day in May, and Independence Day on the Fourth of July. Facebook posts pop up that this is not a day for barbecues, but rather a day of solemn remembrance to thank the soldiers for their sacrifice (speaking to Memorial Day.) I'm not sure if it's overkill or not to spend an entire day quietly reflecting on the dark moments in our nation's history (we know there are many), but it seems appropriate that at a minimum, some time be spent personally reflecting on the sacrifice of other's and recognizing how far our country has come, and furthermore, to appreciate the liberties and freedoms that we get to have today. Which brings us to, barbecues. From my vantage point, there are two loud camps [on my social media feed]: those in or connected to the military, and those who aren't. Of course there is a third, much quieter, camp, which is the people who see it as a day off but probably take a moment to quietly reflect, the way I think my parents taught me to be. Anyway, the celebration vs. reflection camps don't have to live separately - there is space in the middle ground. But this brings me back to the UK, where everything is simply called a Bank Holiday.

That's it! A bank holiday! Banks are closed, so no work. You are free to have fun and be merry, and you don't need to feel bad about it. Not everything is called a bank holiday, but the summer ones are. To me it is a slight, but noticeable difference.

**
What am I doing this bank holiday weekend, you might ask? Watching a ton of frisbee. It's USAU's 2017 College Championships held in Cincinnati, Ohio. Ultiworld is doing a tremendous job recording and distributing footage of the games -- hard not to mention that the evolution of game footage has come so incredibly far in the last 10 years. Numerous factors lead to that - of course data streams come to mind first. Currently watching Tufts Ewo vs. Virginia Hydra, currently 8-7 Tufts up 1 goal on the #1 seed from Virginia. I recall that I played UVA once and didn't get bageled, if I remember correctly. PS, in 2010 we also beat Pitt? Those were the days. **Imagines how life would be different if I played in high school or ever had a coach.** Watching these vids definitely makes me think about changing my name and going to grad school to sneak onto a college natties team. It would never work -- a smarter person would think about training to get my body into shape for club nationals 2018, but just thinking about that makes me exhausted.

It is super gorgeous outside, maybe a good day for a walk if I'm not too busy sitting down and watching video nonstop. Matt and the New York Empire also have a game later today against #1 ranked DC Breeze. It comes at a bizarre time for the Empire as two coaches left the team. The Breeze are a phenomenal team with a ton of superstar firepower from Goose Helton, Brett Matzuka, Bob Liu, and burgeoning youtube star Rowan McDonnell, whose on-screen goofiness almost makes you forget his ridiculous defense. (Um, sorry for all the links, I just feel like a future me would want to know what the hell I am talking about.)

In other news, I want more graphs like this:

What are other thoughts are in my head? I'm currently playing the role of Monetization Specialist for a new app, probably previously named somewhere in this blog. My browser doesn't recognize monetization as a word, which sort of speaks to the nature of the job - it's a new thing. But also, it's not. Companies need money in order to keep being companies, and my job is to assist with finding and capitalizing on potential revenue streams. A friend of mine asked, "I don't understand. So I have a company that's not making money, and I hire you to come in and make it make money?" "Yeah, I guess!" I said. I'm totally fascinated by it and plotting out how to do a better job all the time. It won't be long before a bunch of "monetization" conferences or experts crop up, and hey! MAYBE I CAN BE ONE OF THEM! I want to say this is delusions of grandeur speaking, but it's actually probably within reach. New goal is to find anything with the M word in it, and explore if it is worth exploring or not. Gotta make some dough for the company, plain and simple.

I have all sorts of ideas for the remaining TWO days in this weekend. And here they are.
Sunset through the Durdle Door in Dorset


Mottisfont Abbey Gardens

White Cliffs of Dover

In the world of ultimate, UVA came back to win 12-10, and Sin the fields folks are making their inaugural broadcast for Ultiworld! Friends doing things! Go you guys.

What to expect when taking the the Eurostar from London to Paris... on a bank holiday

Maybe you are planning a trip for an Easter weekend in the future. For those in the US, this is a glorious four-day weekend that seemingly everybody gets off (in Europe?) and maybe you've planned to do your first bit of international tourism, like I have. Suppose you are having questions about the experience. Well, my friend, let me tell you all about it by way of my many errors (or, errata.)

First, chaos is what to expect. If possible, embrace it. It is going nowhere, the rest of this trip is going to be in a foreign language and that will probably also feel quite intimidating. Try to avoid that feeling and just go with the flow.

As detailed in my last post, I missed my first train. But let me get to more logistical notes for anyone really wondering how this will all play out.

1. If you miss the train for any reason, call customer service immediately. In my case it was good that my train hadn't actually left yet so I could rebook. I was too afraid to ask what would happen if I wasn't so lucky with the timing. They were able to rebook me on a much later train: options were 1:30pm for £130 and 2:24 for £80. £80 is $100, so okay 2:24 it is.

2. When I got  to the station, I first had only slight difficulty figuring out where to go. I found signs that pointed me to "international," since I'm traveling internationally. I thought I had the luxury of extra time and was keeping an eye out for Harry Potter, but it never jumped out at me, and with a heavy bag and uncertainty about the future of my trip, I didn't look for it very much.
So 2 is really: find signs for international trains, and go there.

3. Ticketing
There is a line/queue of people waiting to talk to humans. Behind that, there are kiosks. The kiosks don't have a line, the humans have a super long one, and more so the humans don't look very interested in expediting their service. If you aren't sure, go straight to the kiosk. I cannot emphasize this enough. Don't lose valuable time.

4. Get used to poor customer service.
Surely this is not reflective of every Eurostar employee, but the situation was apparent that they aren't overwhelmingly interested in solving your problems. Do you have troubleshooting skills? Try to use them.

5. Okay so you have your ticket, this is where you'd expect to find security at an airport. Not yet, it is in reverse order here. First you queue for your train, which for me was very easy to find, and actually started queuing basically when I got there even though it was so far in advance. You slowly proceed on this line, a few steps forward here and there followed by pausing, your standard line experience. This meanders TO security. You scan your ticket to get through to security.

5. Scan your ticket
In my case I didn't have an assigned seat, so I had to go talk to a human, but fortunately he was close by and there was no line. He just told me that I don't have an assigned seat, so I'll have to go talk to the guy on the train. Okay cool whatever.

7. Border control/security
I had a bottle with a small amount of water in it. This is me at most airport checkpoints, getting my last chugs in since you cannot have liquids with carryon. So I did that here, but there was not one sign explaining if that was necessary or not. I looked, a lot! Got through that without having to remove shoes.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is where I got my first passport stamp!!!!!!
Or second because maybe I got one in arrival to U.K., probably but I can't remember.

8. Waiting area: same as gate for airports
This is a confusing place because it doesn't feel like the destination. But it is! This is the place you can chill until they board your train. Have a seat. Even on this bank holiday I was able to get a seat, mostly since I got there right after they boarded the train for Brussels.

9. Boarding
They will announce this overhead and there are also electronic status boards. I had my doubts upon sitting down, like that maybe I would miss this train due to not understanding the system, but it was not a problem. It was loud when they announced boarding, and very obvious by the huge crowd of people exiting onto the escalator. Relatively straight forward, all in all.

10. Getting a seat
Okay so I got to the guy at Carriage 15 and they're telling me the train is overbooked. I asked if that means I'm not guaranteed a seat? And they said you're not. I asked what happens if there are no seats? And they indicated there are these foldable seats in the emergency exit vestibule. Okay, for me the threat is no longer a threat. My concern is getting to this Moulin Rouge show at 7pm, I don't really care what seat, though a real one would be nice. You know, you put forth money to do things and then you fuck up the alarm setting so you lose hundreds of dollars in tickets, it's not a good feeling. I'm getting on that god damn train.
Survival skill that would be useful here: flexibility. No joke. Trying to not lose your shit is more for yourself than those around you. The men telling me the train was overbooked: it's not their fault! Not at all. They are train managers and they didn't engineer the system that overbooked the train. They may be responsible for getting things running, but it's not going to help to give them a hard time-- for you more than for them. Don't waste energy. It is what it is.

About 20 minutes into the train ride, during the writing if this post, I was upgraded to an actual seat. Now I have back support and am sitting at a comfortably reclined angle.

And I'm going to freaking Paris!!! Finally!!!

How to handle missing your train

I missed my 7:55am train to Paris this morning. I woke up at 7:45 very aware of all the natural light pouring into my bedroom, way too much for the 5:45 wake up I had planned. Knowing what's done is done, l  called the Eurostar customer service and worked on Plan B.

Plan B: for £80 I can get the 2:24 pm train, arriving at nearly 6pm. We're seeing Moulin Rouge at 7, so it'll have to do. This is a $100 fare upgrade, not wonderful. But not he worst thing ever. The trip isn't annulee, the way ours was in 2005 when our high school French class had a planned trip.

In a word, it sucks. But I think it's really important to not let it ruin everything. What is lost, besides money and time? (Haha.) Here is how I went about the rest of my morning, scheming to make the most of my extra time at home and not let this get me down. And you can, too!

1. Audited my packing. While Friday is basically out for mass tourism, that means I wear one less outfit and go straight to moulin rouge in fancy dress. I'm wearing a casual outfit I could rewear later on in the trip. While that's unlikely since I know I have the right number of shirts for the rest of the time, but good to have? I really tried to calculate exactly how much I would need, and not being more than one or maybe two shirts in excess. A more well traveled packer might cut it closer to the bare  necessities, but the shirts are small so it seemed ok.

I do think I removed an unnecessary pair of pants, struggling to recall what else. Somehow I went from 3 to 2 internal bag organizers, so I had a small feeling of progress.

2. Remind yourself that you are still going on a really cool trip!!!
All is not lost, you miss a, well, half or full day of awesome and amazing tourism, but you're still going. And for that you are very, very lucky. Be grateful, not sad. And if you love Paris (like I think I will), I'll just have to go back.

3. Yoga
I just completed day 3 of Adriene's 31 day yoga challenge. I missed a day, or two? And it is a helpful use of time to help you make time for self care, but the thing is you have to *make* time for self care. As in do the exercises.

4. Podcasts
I just finished season 2 of Serial, only about three years after it came out! Super engrossing, completely different topic than season one which I just finished a day or two before. This has been playing in my flat all day long for this past week, so I don't know if it counts as something I did to maximize my extra time at home, but I did enjoy it and it did enhance the experience. If you are pissed about suddenly having a few hours on your hands, by all means, dive into a podcast. Extra points if it was super popular and you missed the boat a few years ago!!

I also recommend looking up podcasts related to your travel. This serves a practical purpose *and* an emotional one, in that you get to stay the course of excited for your trip and hearing about what you might see. I downloaded and enjoyed Rick Steve's walking tour of the Louvre and Museum d'Orsay. both were excellent for orienting myself to what I'd like to see in the small window of time I'll have at each of them, and they had pictures!

5. Eat food and drink coffee
You know what's heavy? Water. I enjoy traveling with a big water bottle but it adds extra poundage. Guess what: if you drink before you leave, all you have to do is find a bathroom! No need to be weighed down by the liquids externally... just internally! And food at all airports and transportation centers is costly. As someone who just spent $100 because she set the alarm to PM instead of AM, I'm not trying to go out of my way with expenditures. I ate breakfast, packed granola bars and drank a bunch of coffee, rosemary water, and hot water with lemon. All I had to worry about when I go to London St. Pancras/Kings Cross was finding the nearest loo.

6. Get ready
You know what I don't do, is leave myself any time to appropriately get ready for things. My life as a maximizer has always squished as much content, love, and happiness (not so much preparation) into my limited moments. This gave me an opportunity to rethink my outfit and put an extra dose of makeup on. It's Paris, after all!

7. Leave early!
I am headed to Paris from London on a bank holiday, and I've never taken an international train before (or been to continental Europe, for that matter.) I missed one train, I'd rather not miss another, not to mention lose out on the small fortune we spent to get to see Moulin Rouge. I have a 2:24 train, they suggest an hour for security and an hour to get there, which would mean leaving at 12:30. I left at 11:30 to be safe (expect issues), and I'm glad I did. I thought I had to wait on line for customer service, and easily lost 10 or 15 minutes standing on an unmoving line when I actually could have just gone to a kiosk. Chatting with the folks around you on line sometimes helps to avoid these foibles, which is what helped me here. It's good for me to be aware of that and make better practice of being friendly rather than shy to those around me.

Also, since it is a bank holiday, it is totally disorganized and chaotic here. I wouldn't have wanted to be showing up just now, even though that would be fine. I would just be stressed. 

Kegels when you're angry

Just the idea of this subject line is making me crack up. It's my first truly great idea in a while. Think of all the kegels you could do while doing anything frustrating! Sitting in traffic, being blocked by someone/thing at work, finding out you need to buy more things in order to get wifi set up at your apartment, lots of things!

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Today is about getting as many chores done as possible. I visited the GP (doctor) and signed up for NHS (big chore), picked up additional ingredients for slow cooker dark meat chicken, and found out they definitely just don't have onion powder here. Medium sized chore. Got an onion to substitute, and it was only £.13 compared to £1.75 for all of the other spices. Went to the post office, mailed the twins' London newspaper from the day they were born, bought David Bowie stamps. Not a chore.

Cut up the chicken to remove bones & fat, found out the slow cooker probably requires a transformer. I'm not completely sure of this, because I know it uses low power for a long time, but I'm going to err on the side of caution and not burn this place down. 

Earlier I also checked out of the temporary living quarters, and was driving back home when I almost got T-boned because I inserted myself to a right turn (which means crossing over a lane, we're in the UK) and the opposing traffic had a green light starting up that this car was responding to with haste. Fortunately it didn't result in contact, and was more or less a learning experience for me. What am I learning other than I am bad at driving here? Just trying to get my instincts up to par since I am still looking the wrong way more or less all the time - but taking corrective action - just my first instinct is often wrong. I also should have been aware that I couldn't quite see the traffic coming from the other side, and even though they had a red light when I was pulling out, it was turning green (note, I didn't have a light, the light itself was a little bit to my left.)

Driving here is scary. And now I have a chicken dish ready to get slow cooked that will have to wait a few days in the fridge until the right transformer gets here. Next is figuring out how to know which is the best transformer for you.

Can I get some chocolate? And wine?

You Don't Know You're Beautiful; That's What Makes You Beautiful

Yeah, yeah, yeah not the first one to wax feminist (gender equity) with respect to this -- old -- and very catchy One Direction song. What gives me pause is how much I love listening to it, on repeat, instant good mood.

But just to be clear! You're only beautiful because you don't know you're beautiful. AS SOON AS YOU REALIZE YOUR BEAUTY, IT FLIES OUT THE WINDOW. Women! Make sure you bust ass in the bathroom in the early morning to get beautiful. But don't for a second act like you are aware of your good looks! That ruins the whole thing. What's that word? Demure? Reserved, modest, and shy. Modest but very beautiful. Eyes at GROUND! Get with the program, women!


Carole King has some words on the subject:
You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face
And show the world all the love in your heart
Then people gonna treat you better
You're gonna find, yes, you will
That you're beautiful as you feel

You could interpret this as: internal awareness of your beauty is directly proportional to how beautiful you are seen externally, by others. That's more or less the exact opposite of our British friends Liam and the gang? I wonder who wrote that song and if they like it.

The end.

Beautiful: The Carole King Musical, and other things

I went to see Beautiful: The Carole King Musical last night. I had no prior expectations save for any I developed during the commercials I've seen during Jeopardy!. It was great; so emotional. It seems like good therapy for anyone going through a breakup. Man, live theatre, right? I love that anything can happen, it's so scary and real, and obviously LIVE! Alive. Many different scenes struck me deeply. I thought at first the two love interests seemed like they had very little chemistry and were a little stiff and awkward physically with each other, but you watch their relationship as it progresses and transforms. The actress who plays Carole King, Cassidy Janson is unbelievably talented and raw, very powerful.

That said, I've been keeping to my goal of one performance per week! There are so many more shows I'd like to see, but the really great news is they are relatively cheap (under £35.) I'd like to see Book of Mormon, Aladdin, what else... An American in Paris, Dreamgirls, Lion King, Kinky Boots, Carousel, everything?

Wicked, in particular, watching "Popular" sung live was stunning and energizing. For both shows I sat in the last possible row, but found the view to be perfectly acceptable. Plus, at under £20, you can't really go wrong.

I'm thinking that if I can get my food budget under control, I can squeeze £20 a week on a ticket, meaning if there is a £40 ticket (e.g., Lion King, Aladdin all seem to be pricier), I can just skip one week. I think that ought to work nicely? There are a lot of things to see, but also many weeks with which to work. It would mean £160 budgeted from the monthly pay, which I'll have to finagle in Excel. Like a real budget!

Note, going to stuff on my own has not been weird, scary, or intimidating, in fact I haven't been thinking about it too much except for observing any sense of liberation internally. I don't feel super liberated by it, either; I get a sense of empowerment from correctly navigating to a new place without major hiccups, but I think the "showing up alone" aspect is a given and therefore doesn't come with its own rush of pride. I have joked with folks at home that I am terribly lonely, which actually isn't true in spite of all this alone time. I do miss Matt! Significantly. More in the sense that I wish he were able to be with me as I go on these adventures because I love his company. But, we will have to wait for him to come visit and I can share with him the best of the things I've done or have yet to do.

Au revoir! Cheerio! (Going to Paris in a week and a half, might want to finish that itinerary!)

Bits & Bobs

Brief update: Moved into my new apartment (flat) this past weekend! It is lovely: spacious and light. I have a lemon plant growing on the balcony, performing a few Googles to figure out how to prevent its untimely death.

I've investigated the West End a little bit, the equivalent of Broadway in New York. Last minute tickets seem to be inexpensive. I think the TKTS booth might be the best possible option, but since I don't have all day to wait in line, I'm looking at lastminute.com, timeout.com, and most recently londontheatredirect.com for tickets within the same week. Michele, Steve & I went to see Wicked last week Thursday through this method, and it was really terrific. Great performance, back row seats but still visible, and a cost of £19.50/seat.

I just booked a ticket to see Beautiful: The Carole King Musical tonight for £15, plus £1 service fee. This is cheaper than most dinners in the area! I had previously thought I'd head straight home this evening, but booked this instead. My ticket is in the back row. I'm excited to become a "theatre person," or something that vaguely resembles one.

In other expenditure news, we're looking at booking a hotel in Bath, England for an upcoming bank holiday weekend. We'll expect to experience the Thermae Bath Spa! Looking at what packages are available that weekend, and hopefully looking forward to some R&R.

I've also recently booked flights to Oslo, Norway and Bordeaux, France, and the only legwork I've done there was an unavailable AirBNB, so I'm back to square one. Fjords and wine!! And I guess I have to figure out how to request time off (~2 days and ~3 days, respectively.)

April 12th will be the day that my TV and Internet *maybe* gets set up, something else to look forward to (especially as I am already paying for both services.)

Also arranging to go to the doctor (GP) to get onto the National Health Services system.

We've also got Paris in 10 days, wow! I was feeling a bit of a void like I wasn't doing enough or making enough use of being here yet, since I more or less spent the last 3 days at IKEA and surrounded by heaps of clothes. I set up a bunch of mirrors so I can try on all of my clothes at some point and decide that everything has to be donated :). (Or, some things. Or a few.) The planning for Paris that remains is figuring out itinerary with maximum use of Paris Pass.

My mind is a bit occupied by what feels like a galaxy of tiny things. All smallish projects, and all really great things.

I strolled through Shoreditch at lunch today & went to the Cereal Killer Cafe, or rather, the outside of it. Looks cute, but also daunting since I didn't want cereal, and apparently a popular tourist destination where things move a bit quickly. It is on a very hip side street which will require deeper investigation. Lots of vintage-y shops selling clothes you would buy if you were performing onstage. My singer alter-ego Laura was intrigued, but reality Laura was reminded of the heaps of clothes back at the flat that require homes. I also wandered through Boxpark, a shopping center made entirely out of shipping crates. Very hip. The only thing intimidating here is that to wander into the small space makes it appear like you are somewhat committed to making a purchase, which if you're me, you're not. But I think it is also aimed at drifters like myself, seeking inspiration maybe for the interior design of their new apartment (true.)

Some words for today:

Things that matter to you are important

I would like to add a quick note. I've realized over some months that I am a fear-driven person for the most part - for example, the underlying reason I watch what I eat and exercise is because I fear looking unattractive, not because I so desire to be healthy from the inside. Health is a benefit, but avoiding a potential negative is the bigger thing. Avoiding the bad stuff rather than working to experience the good stuff.

One of my many fears in coming over here was how I would explain Trump. Not that I would be able to explain it, but how would I get out of a sticky situation in which a foreigner is mad at me for the political decisions my country has made? Our latest taxi driver asked about it, we discussed, and I expressed my thoughts, understandings, and emotions on the topic, as he his own. It is topic for much discussion; so much. But I wasn't being blamed. And that was great. Fear: confronted!

Figuring it all out

My London excursion is off to a bustling start. After four work days came the weekend, and with it a chance to explore this beautiful city and get some logistical paperwork errandy things out of the way. Errands were a nuisance. Let's not linger too long on it; we were directed to a "dodgier" area of town to get a card that allows us to stay here and had numerous (7? I lost count) snafus on the bus system. We just got unlucky; one driver told us the bus was unwell and she's not taking it anywhere. "I'm not going anywhere, it's not well!" She kept saying. Then we got going and went in the wrong direction, which led to us doing a U-Turn on one of the less narrow London roads. Community involvement was required, and the back of the bus was helpful in assisting with avoiding the sidewalk. It was a scene. But, after a few more transfers and wrong turns, we got safely back.

We ventured out to Trafalgar Square! Our other errands (get a phone plan, go to the bank) were thwarted by this and that reason, so we weren't equipped with proper navigation, but did just fine without.

Our dinner was at an Italian restaurant L'ulivo. I ordered spaghetti bolognese and a green salad with house wine. Overall very tasty, spag bol was forgettable, but I think I knew it would be going in. Not every meal is going to be the best of my life, and this one was pretty good. Pierre and I had discussed the essence of French snobbery the other night, in that it is more or less finding what you like and pursuing it. On work, his advice was "Just be yourself. That is the most important part."

London has shown itself to be a visitor-friendly city by its grid-like outline and comprehensible tube system. When we have trouble, we've done well asking the people around us. All good things.

I expected myself to have more ambition for this lazy Sunday, but so far I've made the tortellini on the stove top (which I got to work successfully!) and tried to do a laundry. Laundry was washed with equal parts dish detergent and laundry detergent, so it is extra sparkling clean. Presently I'm awaiting the dryer cycle to actually finish drying the clothes -- the washer/dryer and I are off to a rocky start, but I think we are starting to see eye to eye.

The apartment provided us with all of the manuals for the appliances, except, that is, for any manuals for appliances that have functions you might not know how to work. There is a manual for the refrigerator, toaster, microwave... Not the foreign stove top or washer/dryer which are all new to us. Fortunately the internet has been good blessing us with videos. God bless YouTube!

What's in store for the rest of the day? Nails maybe? Definitely working out once the dryer is complete. I've finally "moved in" and organized my belongings into the closet and drawers such that I am no longer living out of and falling over my suitcases. This is nice.

I don't know about you {there's no possible way I could}, but I am very self conscious. In college I was encouraged by my big brother to kill that part of my brain, advice I relished even though that's basically impossible. In psych 100 (Fall '07 .... faint from realizing age) we learn about id, ego, and superego, and if it wasn't already clear, you are made aware of the value of self awareness and self consciousness. Respecting the wishes of others, not offending them, letting others live, these are the basic principles of my generation - and probably every generation. But when you let the popular kids dictate your every move {even if that's all in your mind}, or the fear/judgment of society, or the idea that some nebulous body of peers will look upon you unfavorably for performing or not performing whatever action, you live a little bit less. Maybe. I think. Well maybe others don't, but I think I live a little less. I think this is more or less the Rebel Factory that became of was the social milieu leading up to the hippie generation. My dad comes to mind, but he's not a hippie. He is a rebel. He felt so constrained and held down by his strict upbringing that he's spent the greater part of his adulthood trying to unwind, undo the damage and figure himself out.

I'm very fortunate to have grown up in a much more understanding and reasonable time, much less constrained environment, and with parents who considered my opinions. My dad says everything is negotiable. We aren't born negotiators per se, but it is a skill worth looking into as the advantages of strong negotiating skills seem like some of the best for cheapest cost (effort.) My hang ups are, for the most part, self-imposed internal freak outs and paranoia about this and that. In high school I was navigating the process of getting good grades and having to earn them, a process everyone should or does eventually go through. I had high standards for college - Columbia University or bust, and this started from around the end of 8th grade. Spoiler alert: I did not go there, did not even apply. My grades and also bank account are ..... it was a delusion, but a pleasant delusion at the time. I became so tightly wound about school and grades that I remember I got really sick in the wintertime and wouldn't allow myself to take a sick day. I was obsessing over the idea of perfect attendance and fearing that missing a class meant falling behind and may do irreparable damage (Columbia would never forgive.)

When I mention this to friends nowadays, I almost always hear that it sounds like "a completely different person." I burned myself out a bit, and recognized it wasn't really ... what's the word, worth it? But if the pendulum swings too far in the other direction, I think that's a recipe for a potential issue. I tried hard in college, but not nearly as much ass busting as 9th-10th-11th grade. It's funny, too, because looking back I know I spent way, way more collective hours working hard for college projects and essays and exams (they were HARD), but the stress level just wasn't nearly as high. I was still stressed, but I wasn't panicking about it. It sounds like a step in a healthy direction, but results were average and I definitely feel that if I had ventured to panic like the old days, I might have had a graduating GPA higher than I did. But at what cost? (Has a 3.2 held me back? Maybe, I don't know.)

I was thinking this morning about my relationship with makeup; it's one I don't know exactly how to define, but I can describe. I have a big make up collection. When a friend of mine passed away sophomore year in college, I reevaluated my life and strongly considered dropping out to pursue makeup artistry. I like the idea of making people feel beautiful. But, I take significant issue with the industry as well, and the messages behind it. Mostly this is the idea that women automatically have an uglier face than men. I just do not understand. Or I understand, but I hate it. And I do not accept it as reality. When younger girls want to wear it, they are told  they don't really "need" it, implying that as you age, you will need it. Your face gets uglier and you need to put a layer of protection so that 1- we don't have to deal with it and 2- your career and by extension LIFE don't get delayed or back burnered or whathaveyou by strangers who see you as ugly. I go back and forth on this, because there are actual books you can buy that have researched the topic of beauty on your career. They have titles like, Beauty Pays. And I guess it's true, if you dress the part or dress for success (including ya face) you get to get ahead. But I don't think it should be a requirement.

This could last forever but I'll truncate; I don't only put on makeup to hide my ugly face. I also like the artistry. I like doing it, feel more confident. Some men will tell you you shouldn't wear it or look better without it, and you can do with this what you want --- the biggest thing in my mind is that it's really up to the person (oh and also makeup is not only for women, apologies for writing in a limited way. I'm speaking from my direct experience, but by no means is that the only experience.)  Anyway so for a few years I've been wearing basically none, but we got to London and I'm kind of on it again. I'm enjoying it and I feel more confident, and this is a place where I could benefit from a boost, since everything else is brand new and literally foreign. (But in English, and believe it or not the tube is much simpler than expected, so not everything has been hard.)

Anyway I think I've been going through a similar process to my dad and probably will be for life, whereby I try to undo the pressure I feel from external -- though it may be internal as well, or even moreso than it is external, 'perceived external' if you will. His is a bit more extreme, much more rigid upbringing of course, but mine is present nevertheless. The story could be a book of "why we rebel" -- because truthfully we're not leather jacket wearing, we're just questioners to the extreme who prefer to do things for their own reasons. I have much more of a dose of the obliger in me than my pop, but I think in growing up I've put mental effort forth to rework and make sure that behaviors and actions align with my own internal standards.

For me it is all in context of a workplace that enables you to pick a project 'because you want to' and basically just hopes that you do an amazing job. The reasoning behind it is that with that creative liberty, people actually put in more. I can't stop thinking about this concept... same with my normal corporate workplace where I think I might subconsciously believe you need to wear makeup, and I so thoroughly disagree with it that I can't bring myself to participate. It may seem trivial, but it occupies a good deal of my underlying thoughts, so maybe worth sharing.


Anyway, got to go eat, and then learn to drive on the left side of the road.

Well hello again!

Well it's been awhile and I've switched jobs since my last post four, no, five ?! years ago. To keep the posts on theme, I will ensure the new ones share at least one "good" idea, but really this is a subjective read from my own personal experience, so as always, your mileage may vary and what works for me may not work for you. What I'm saying is, and this may shock you, not everything I post will be a good idea. In fact mostly bad ideas, probably.

Anyhoo, I'd like to pick this up to chronicle my journeys and experiences living abroad in London. Yes, London! I've moved this past Monday March 6 (or 6 March) and have begun a fascinating new career (for 1 year) at a London office for my company. Of course I am concerned with talking about work in any form {in writing} {publicly}, so that will likely not be the topic of conversation often, but it seems necessary for context on upcoming material. For example, "why are you in London?" might be a question you'd otherwise ask. 

I am so excited to be here. 

My experiences so far (over the course of the past 3 days) have encouraged me to think a lot about motivation. Long ago I owned a copy of Gretchen Rubin's 

* Good idea: not typing so loudly everyone around you wonders wtf you're doing. Esp when new at a new job... But sometimes the keyboard is such that......... sorry everybody.

...Gretchen Rubin's Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits--to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life. In a nutshell, the point is that motivation is a myth and we must turn our desired behaviors into habits so that there is significantly less questioning and decision making and therefore strain on the mind deciding whether or not to, for example, exercise. Or eat healthy, or .... anything. Streamlining processes within our own minds and therefore brainwashing ourselves to robotically (apparently not a word in the UK?) attend the gym so that we are not exhausted by our own internal combat over whether or not it is worth it. Brainwashing sounds bad, but conditioning yourself to do things you want to do ultimately can be helpful. 

I'll try to be brief. She divides humans into four categories of habit makers/decision makers. Questioners, Obligers, 

*typing on keyboard on laptop is quieter, try that for a good idea

...Questioners, Obligers, Rebels, and Upholders. The author herself is an upholder but finds this is one of the rare ones, as is Rebel. I'm going to skip those for time (look it up or read the book!) I've been meditating a bunch on the idea of the Obliger: a person who does a task because of external pressure. Naturally, they oblige others. They workout because of external pressure, I think wake up early because they would look bad if they didn't, that sort of thing. Very conscious of the opinions of others, and therefore driven by them. Questioners, on the other hand, hold things to internal standards. I am a questioner. Why are we doing this? What is the benefit? What will we miss by not doing it? May sound like a lazy person's thought pattern (yes) but it is also helpful for staying on task and keeping everyone aware of what the end game is. 

The idea of doing things for your reasons versus doing things for other people's reasons stands out to me as I transition to life in the UK. There are many differences at work. A big one is that there is no badge-in tracker, nothing that emails your boss if you happen to swipe at 9:00:01. The work week is in fact longer, but people appear (on the whole) to work longer hours than that, and yet are very happy and productive. This is of course an overgeneralization - how could it not be. But it seems like, if you trust people and expect them to do good, they overperform (on the whole.) If you expect people to take advantage of you, and as such you implement systems that make them feel untrustworthy, they act accordingly. I'm still getting used to the idea and I'm sure there are nuances I haven't considered, but this appears to be the trend... and it is new to me. This is in no way intended to be negative about one system over another, but rather an observation in human behavior in response to different sets of stimuli.

This makes me think about doing things because you have to versus doing things because you want to. There is a South Park line that has resonated in my mind for the past decade - "whatever, whatever I do what I want." I have completely forgotten the context - at this point context is more or less irrelevant. I am not always as in-your-face about my desire to do what I want, but I am sometimes, and I can say with certainty that I always want to do whatever I want. Who doesn't? So I identify with this line a lot even though it is satirical/meant to make fun of the speaker. 

But the results here appear to be that, if you let people do what they want (with regard to entry/leave time, and dress code, and probably other things), they have control and are therefore happier and feel trusted and therefore are harder workers. It would be difficult to scientifically prove the correlation in a numbers-driven way, but I have to imagine there is work on the subject with regard to work happiness. 

There is no one-size-fits-all method with humans. We are all snowflakes, after all. These are just some thoughts that have been steeping in my brain for a few days as I make a transition. 

*Of course, The opinions I express here are my own and not necessarily that of my employer. But you already knew that.